Foundations of a Healthy Marriage

Foundational Processes

My thoughts on Stephen F. Duncan and Sara S. McCarty Zasukha’s article, Foundational Processes for an Enduring, Healthy Marriage. They explore 6 foundational processes in order to build a marriage. 

#1: Personal Commitment to the Marriage Covenant

We have often been taught the sacred triangle that shows that as husband and wife grow closer to each other they grow closer to God and in turn are blessed. 

President Henry B. Eyring, “At the creation of man and woman, unity for them in marriage was not given as hope; it was a command!...Our Heavenly Father wants our hearts to be knit together. That union in love is not simply an ideal. It is a necessity.” 

To help insure happiness in a covenant marriage couples can pray and study the scriptures together. They can also regularly attend the temple together.

#2: Love and Friendship

The Family: A Proclamation to the World, says, “Husband and wife have a solemn responsibility to love and care for each other.” 

“Love as distinct from “being in love” is not merely a feeling. It is a deep unity, maintained by the will and deliberately strengthened by habit….They can have this love for each other even at those moments when they do not like each other….It is on this love that the engine of marriage is run: being in love was the explosion that started it.” C.S. Lewis, Mere Christianity

 

For me personally I have always wanted to marry by best friend, and Elder Marlin K. Jensen said something I thought was perfect for what I was thinking is, “a relationship between a man and a woman that begins with friendship and then ripens into romance and eventually marriage will usually become an enduring, eternal friendship.”

Many of you have probably heard of the 5 Love Languages. We need to be in tune with our spouses love languages and how they know you love them.

#3: Positive Interaction

This foundational process involves how we treat our spouse. If we are constantly negative to them and blame them for things then they are not building each other up. Frequently express to your spouse the positive things you see in them. Forgive them always. Uplift them always. 

#4:  Accepting Influence from One’s Spouse

This refers to decision-making. It is important to hear each other out as couples work toward a common goal or an important decision. Try your best to understand them and ask for clarification if needed. 

#5: Respectfully Handle Differences and Solve Problems

Similar to #4, #5 is an extension of it. It most cases couples often argue over money and children. Go into a discussion with an open mind and a remembrance for the love you have for your spouse and for doing what God would have you do. Determine what arguments are even worth the argument. Talk privately with your spouse and do not discuss issues between you and your spouse with someone else. 

#6: Continuing Courtship through the Years

Enrich your marriage by doing activities that each of you enjoy together. Learn a new skill with each other or explore a new city. Strive to rekindle the exciting times of when you first started dating.