Equal Partnership

“By divine design, fathers are to preside over their families in love and righteousness and are responsible to provide the necessities of life and protection for their families. Mothers are primarily responsible for the nurture of their children. In these sacred responsibilities, fathers and mothers are obligated to help one another as equal partners.”

~The Family: A Proclamation to the World

I want to talk about equal partnership in marriage. Today the world so often thinks men and women should be equal but often mean the same. Don’t you think men and women can be equal without being the same? Men and women were each given different divine gifts. Husband and wife are “one in purpose” even as they go about a busy day of business work for the husband and cooking and cleaning as a wife and as parents, nurturing of the children. I really think that a lot of the thoughts I have would be better stated by the prophets and apostles of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. Listed at the bottom of the post are the links to my favorite talks on equal partnership in marriage. Here are some of my favorite words: 

• ·         “Some think of happiness as a glamorous life of ease, luxury, and constant thrills; but true marriage is based on a happiness which is more than that, one which comes from giving, serving, sharing, sacrificing, and selflessness.”
• ·         “One comes to realize very soon after marriage that the spouse has weaknesses not previously revealed or discovered.”
• ·         “…any good man and any good woman can have happiness and a successful marriage if both are willing to pay the price.”
• ·         Pay attention to the four things President Kimball calls his formula for happy marriage!!
• ·         “If one is forever seeking the interests, comforts, and happiness of the other, the love found in courtship and cemented in marriage will grow into mighty proportions.”
• ·         “Certainly the foods most vital for love are consideration, kindness, thoughtfulness, concern, expressions of affection, embraces of appreciation, admiration, pride, companionship, confidence, faith, partnership, equality, and interdependence.”
• ·         “When a husband and wife go together frequently to the holy temple, kneel in prayer together in their home with their family, go hand in hand to their religious meetings, keep their lives wholly chaste—mentally and physically—so that their whole thoughts and desires and loves are all centered in the one being, their companion, and both work together for the upbuilding of the kingdom of God, then happiness is at its pinnacle.”
• ·         “He made the earth; He made the people. He knows the conditions. He set the program, and we are not intelligent enough or smart enough to be able to argue Him out of these important things. He knows what is right and true.” (clearly stated!!!)
• ·         “Be sure that your part of the marriage is carried forward properly.” (!!!!)
• ·         “Perhaps because false teachings had twisted original scriptural meanings, President Spencer W. Kimball (1895–1985) preferred “preside” rather than “rule.” He said: “No woman has ever been asked by the Church authorities to follow her husband into an evil pit. She is to follow him [only] as he follows and obeys the Savior of the world, but in deciding [whether he is obeying Christ], she should always be sure she is fair.” In this way, President Kimball saw marriage “as a full partnership,” stating, “We do not want our LDS women to be silent partners or limited partners” but rather “a contributing and full partner.”
• ·         “Temple marriage covenants do not magically bring equality to a partnership. Those covenants commit us to a developmental process of learning and growing together—by practice.”
• ·         “But equal partnerships are not made in heaven—they are made on earth, one choice at a time, one conversation at a time, one threshold crossing at a time. And getting there is hard work—like patiently working through differing assumptions about who was bringing relief to whom that night or any of thousands of nights like it.”

MUST READ!

Oneness in Marriage 

Honorable, Happy, Successful Marriage  

 Crossing Thresholds and Becoming Equal Partners 

I know that if you read and apply these teachings you and your spouse as well as your family will be blessed. Enjoy!!

  "A nation will rise no higher than the strength of its homes. If you want to reform a nation, you begin with families." ~ Gordan B. Hinckley
 The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints former president.

Foundations of a Healthy Marriage

Foundational Processes

My thoughts on Stephen F. Duncan and Sara S. McCarty Zasukha’s article, Foundational Processes for an Enduring, Healthy Marriage. They explore 6 foundational processes in order to build a marriage. 

#1: Personal Commitment to the Marriage Covenant

We have often been taught the sacred triangle that shows that as husband and wife grow closer to each other they grow closer to God and in turn are blessed. 

President Henry B. Eyring, “At the creation of man and woman, unity for them in marriage was not given as hope; it was a command!...Our Heavenly Father wants our hearts to be knit together. That union in love is not simply an ideal. It is a necessity.” 

To help insure happiness in a covenant marriage couples can pray and study the scriptures together. They can also regularly attend the temple together.

#2: Love and Friendship

The Family: A Proclamation to the World, says, “Husband and wife have a solemn responsibility to love and care for each other.” 

“Love as distinct from “being in love” is not merely a feeling. It is a deep unity, maintained by the will and deliberately strengthened by habit….They can have this love for each other even at those moments when they do not like each other….It is on this love that the engine of marriage is run: being in love was the explosion that started it.” C.S. Lewis, Mere Christianity

 

For me personally I have always wanted to marry by best friend, and Elder Marlin K. Jensen said something I thought was perfect for what I was thinking is, “a relationship between a man and a woman that begins with friendship and then ripens into romance and eventually marriage will usually become an enduring, eternal friendship.”

Many of you have probably heard of the 5 Love Languages. We need to be in tune with our spouses love languages and how they know you love them.

#3: Positive Interaction

This foundational process involves how we treat our spouse. If we are constantly negative to them and blame them for things then they are not building each other up. Frequently express to your spouse the positive things you see in them. Forgive them always. Uplift them always. 

#4:  Accepting Influence from One’s Spouse

This refers to decision-making. It is important to hear each other out as couples work toward a common goal or an important decision. Try your best to understand them and ask for clarification if needed. 

#5: Respectfully Handle Differences and Solve Problems

Similar to #4, #5 is an extension of it. It most cases couples often argue over money and children. Go into a discussion with an open mind and a remembrance for the love you have for your spouse and for doing what God would have you do. Determine what arguments are even worth the argument. Talk privately with your spouse and do not discuss issues between you and your spouse with someone else. 

#6: Continuing Courtship through the Years

Enrich your marriage by doing activities that each of you enjoy together. Learn a new skill with each other or explore a new city. Strive to rekindle the exciting times of when you first started dating. 

 

Thanksgiving

Love this little guy!! My nephew Andy.

Nate, Janie, Andy

Last year on Thanksgiving Suzanne and Caleb told us they were pregnant. And this year this little boy had his first Thanksgiving.



Had a pretty good Thanksgiving! How about you?

Gender and Eternal Identity

           Gender and Eternal Identity. I don’t think that I ever even thought about gender in terms of eternal importance or that it is a way to return back to the Father. The proclamation says, “Gender is an essential characteristic of individual premortal, mortal, and eternal identity and purpose.” Gender is eternal and each of God’s sons and daughters has a purpose in His plan. Men and women have been given the sacred gift of creating life, in which a woman has a divine role of baring children. Men have received the divine gift and role as a priesthood holder. Through this role he can preside, care for, and protect his family, with help from Heavenly Father. Because the family is so important, Satan attacks it, by confusing people of their gender and roles.

            I think that it is important to understand our divine roles and gain a testimony of them so as not to get confused with worldly views of differences between gender roles and same-sex attraction. Something I thought was very interesting and important to remember was in the commentary, “The Divine Institution of Marriage,” which said, “Thus, if same-sex marriage becomes a recognized civil right, there will be substantial conflicts with religious freedom. And in some important areas, religious freedom may be diminished.” I never realized how important it would be then to teach others the importance of their gender in Father’s plan.

            Another worldly view that Satan is trying to implement is that men and women should be the same or identical. Men and women should be equal but that doesn’t mean they have to be the same. Elder Bateman said, “The eternal view engenders a desire in men and women to learn from and share with each other.” Elder Bednar also said, “For divine purposes, male and female spirits are different, distinctive, and complementary.” It is the differences of each gender that enable marriages to work.

           Women are created in the image of our Heavenly Mother.  Boyd K. Packer said, “Motherhood is near to divinity. It is the highest, holiest service to be assumed by mankind. It places her who honors its holy calling and service next to the angels.” His words make me feel special and make me want to live up to my role as a woman in Heavenly Father’s plan.

            This have gain a testimony of my divine role as a woman. I know that men and women are created in the image of God and have a specific purpose both as a woman or a man and as individual sons and daughters of God. I know that the divine roles in which we have are part of the plan and will bring great happiness if we fulfill them. 

References: 

Marriage Is Essential to His Eternal Plan

Th Divine Institution of Marriage 

For Time and All Eternity 

Eternal Marriage Reference Manual

 

Forgiveness

Recently forgiveness has been on my mind, not just within families but within relationships with friends. It has been on my mind lately because I have a very close friend that I have needed to both apologize to and forgive.  Forgiveness can be a very hard thing. But it is especially so important in our families and marriage. I have been holding on to the hurt from this friend for a long time and it has really been dragging be down. It is time to forgive!

In an article called Repentance and Forgiveness in Family Life by Elaine Walton and Hilary M. Hendricks, they quote Worthington’s five step process of how to forgive. 

1. Recall the hurt

2. Empathize 

3. Offer the altruistic gift of forgiveness

4. Commit publicly to forgive

5. Hold on to forgiveness

  

It is worth it to forgive others and move on. Sometimes relationships cannot be saved but do not say that before you have tried everything you could do to resolve the situation. Take it to the Lord.

There is a talk by Elder Busche that I absolutely love. It is not specifically on forgiveness but there is a line or to about it. You can listen to it here (first grab some tissues! It’s a tear jerker!):

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=snAjZ8mfoYw

Wasn’t it so good?! This video gets me through hard times!

Repent and forgive! You will be so happy and feel so free!